Murder by Death

Plot Summery: "Millionaire Lionel Twain invites the five most brilliant private eyes to a dinner - and a murder. So, Sidney Wang from China, Dick Charleston from New York, Jessica Marbles from England, Milo Perrier from Belgium and Sam Diamond from San Francisco arrive at the remote castle. They are welcomed by Jame sir Bemsonmam, the blind butler. At nine, a dinner is supposed to be served. The five private eyes and their companionships are in the dining room, wondering what everything is about. Suddenly, Lionel Twain appears and lets the private eyes in on his plan: Exactly at midnight, a murder is going to take place. And he offers a million dollars to the one who can solve the murder. Then he disappears. Before long, a problem arises: The butler is found dead - and it's long before midnight! Will the five most brilliant minds of our time be able to see through the elaborate set-up staged by a criminal mastermind?" [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074937/plotsummary]

A movie like this would not even make it to the theatres in this day and age. I remember watching Murder by Death at a very young age with my father on a crudely recorded tape that he had, from when the movie first appeared on the television. It came out in 1976 starring one of the best comedy ensembles of the time.

Eileen Brennan	....	Tess Skeffington
Truman Capote	....	Lionel Twain
James Coco	....	Inspector Milo Perrier
Peter Falk	....	Sam Diamond
Alec Guinness	....	Jamesir Bensonmum
Elsa Lanchester	....	Miss Jessica Marbles
David Niven	....	Dick Charleston
Peter Sellers	....	Inspector Sidney Wang
Maggie Smith	....	Mrs. Dora Charleston
Nancy Walker	....	Yetta
Estelle Winwood	....	Miss Withers
James Cromwell	....	Marcel
Richard Narita	....	Willie Wang

But as I was saying before, a movie like this could only have made it at that time, it plays off of every famous detective that has been burned in to American culture since the invention of the detective drama. We have Miss Marple, Sam Spade even Charlie Chan! Of course here their played by Elsa Lancaster, Peter Falk and Peter Sellers.

The movie is a gag a minute, slap stick comedy that could only be pulled off by those included. Of course most of the humor is in the script, written by Neil Simon.

Sidney Wang: Yes, is confusing.
Lionel Twain: IT! IT is confusing! Say your goddamn pronouns!

Lionel Twain: I'm the greatest, I'm number one!
Sam Diamond: To me, you look like number two, know what I mean?
Dora Charleston: What DOES he mean, Miss Skeffington?
Tess Skeffington: I'll tell you later. It's disgusting.

Sam Diamond: I don't get it. First they steal the body and leave the clothes, then they take the clothes and bring the body back. Who would do a thing like that?
Dick Charleston: Possibly some deranged dry cleaner.

Trust me, it’s even funnier when you see it.

I recommend this movie to anyone who likes a good spoof. I loved this movie as a child, and I love this movie now. Go out and rent it. If this isnt enough visit the all knowing Wikipedia!

<3 Jess

I dunno Jim

<--Today’s blog brought to you by the ingenious mind that is Sam:

Ok you might be wondering who the utterly adorable chick mentioned above is. Well that's my best friend Sam. I had no inspiration whatsoever to write today so I asked her for a topic and a title, well after moments of some intense "deliberation" [which was really me waiting for her to respond] she finally came up with "Horse and I dunno Jim." Genius! I say, Genius! But there is a problem; I don't know anything about horses, actually not a damn thing. In fact, now this may sound weird, I know more about saddles than I do the horse itself. Well this is what I got out of my Google research:

a stallion is a male horse
a mare is a female horse
a foal is a baby horse
a filly is a young female horse
a colt is a young male horse
a foal is a yearling after its first birthday
a sire is the word used for the father of a horse
a dam is the word used for the mother of a horse
a pony is not a baby horse. It is a fully grown small horse
a horse's height is measured in hands. One hand = 4"

http://www.ultimatehorsesite.com/

Go there if you wan't to know more about horses.

Now enough about horses. Let's talk about something I wanna talk about... Star Trek! Ok not really, I mean sure I love it, but now is neither the time nor the place to talk about how hot I think Shatner was back in the day. How about some more movie stuff. These are the movies that are currently playing at the local theatre.

The Benchwarmers (PG-13) Lucky Number Slevin ® Take the Lead (PG-13) Ice Age: The Meltdown (PG) Slither ® Inside Man (R) She's the Man (PG-13) V for Vendetta ®

Out of all of movies I think the only one that I am interested in would have to be Lucky Number Slevin, starring Bruce Willis (Sin City, 16 Blocks), Morgan Freeman (Batman Begins, Shawshank Redemption), Josh Harnett (Sin City), Ben Kingsly (Suspect Zero, Oliver Twist) and Luci Lui (Kill Bill, Domnio). With an all star cast like that, and a plot so devious, who wouldn’t be interested?:

"A case of mistaken identity puts a man named Slevin (Josh Hartnett) in the middle of a war between two rival New York crime lords: The Rabbi (Ben Kingsley) and the Boss (Morgan Freeman). While under the watchful eyes of Detective Brikowski (Stanley Tucci) and well-known assassin Goodkat (Bruce Willis), Slevin must quickly devise a plan to save his skin before his luck runs out."

It's just too perfect. A mob movie, funny names and Morgan Freeman, how can you not like Morgan Freeman? I mean its Morgan Freeman! I plan on seeing this movie as soon as funds allow me. Plus I hear that there is a couple pretty hot scenes that include Lui and Harnett. Its just something I would like to see.

The only other movie I may have any interest in at all is Stay Alive, for the sheer ridiculous of the movie. I have had it recommended to me more than once, because of this fact. Also baby faced Frankie Muniz is in it, cursing and all! I just must see it.

- Jess

Horror Movies

Suck Today.

No I'm not joking, I have not seen a good horror movie in the last, let's say 10 years. That's more than half of my life!

All right maybe that is over-exaggerating a bit, I mean sure there have been a couple [ok more than a couple] movies that have scared the pants off of me in the past ten years sure, I can not deny that. I mean it wasn’t until my eight grade year of middle school that I even started going to the theatres; after the two main theatres in my town were closed down and the big Centaury Theatres was opened across town where the Cinedome used to be.

Now that was a pimp movie theatre, 15 screens, huge domes, the nicest people, and it was up in the hills behind the huge shopping mall that is over there. It’s gone now. Part of the lot got turned in to a Kohl’s. Well enough about my movie theatre woes. Back to the topic at hand, the recent crapsity of Horror Movies.

Like I said before there are a few horror movies that I will put on my favorite movie list, some that I truly enjoy [some of which are less horror than they are suspense]:

• Saw [2004]
• 28 Days Later [2002]
• Don’t Say a World [2001]
• American Psycho [2000]
• The Sixth Sense [1999]
• Sleepy Hollow [1999]
• Seven [1995]
• The Silence of the Lambs [1991]
• Misery [1990]
• Nightmare on Elm Street [1984]
• The Shining [1980]
• Alien [1979]
• Jaws [1975]
• A Clockwork Orange [1971]
• Rosemary’s Baby [1968]
• Psycho [1960]
• Dracula [1931]

I could continue but I think that will suffice. If you notice, there hasn’t been a truly great horror/mystery/suspense [etc] movie since probably 1995 with Seven. There have been some good zombie movies, George A. Romero’s Land of the Dead, Night of the Living Dead, and even yes the Romantic Zombie Comedy Shaun of the Dead. These are merely the ones that I myself enjoy, I’m just not a huge Zombie fan, it’s just not for me.

Now Vampires, good lord sit me in front of Bela Lugosi as Count Dracula or Brad Pitt as Louis de Pointe du Lac, I will be happy for the rest of my life. There is just something so appealing about vampires that makes the beast in people come out. I believe it has to be their realism and the need within all of us to be both all powerful and immortal. But as these movies continuously repeat; Be careful what you wish for.

But, I must confess my type of horror movies consist of, intelligence, visual art, gore and most of all, a serial killer. Give me a serial killer any day over Dracula or the Wolfman; Give me a Jack the Ripper or a Casanova [Kiss the Girls] or even a Hannibal Lector, over an alien probe. The horror’s of the human mind are so much more intriguing and terrifying than a monster that we all know do not exist. But these types of men [and women] do exist, and they plague our towns and cities taking out their prey, weather it is for pleasure or for reason. Serial Killers are real, and that is what is so terrifying and more often than not so intriguing about a well made Serial Killer movie.

I’m planning on going out and renting some of my old favorites and hell maybe a new one too. I’ll tell you all what I got when I get em.

-Jess

I Took The Wrong Pill

I think I took the wrong Pill everyone.

Cause this doesn’t look like the Matrix to me. Morpheus must have fucked up and gave me the blue pill instead, what an asshole huh? Well I guess I'll have to deal with this reality. It isn’t as bad as you may think it is though. In fact if you just open your eyes, it’s a pretty damn good reality. I mean sure, what if this isn’t real, what if this is all a "dream" [Ooooh], but doesn’t the saying go "Ignorance is Bliss"? That’s what I'm thinking.

I guess I'll tell you all a bit about myself, before I begin whatever I plan this blog to be about, hrm? Sound good to you; sounds good to me:

My name is Jess I'm 18 year old, I'm not a small girl, but damned if I aint huge. I'm happily taken, by my Mexican half, Chris. I only have about 5 people in the world I truly trust, I blame it on societies ignorance and teenage girls, just because I can.
I am a huge movie and music fan, if I could get a job watching movies at this age without a degree in film, you bet your ass I would. I love all types of movies from Drama to Comedy. I love horror movies the most, if it has blood, gore, intelligence and possibly vampires and zombies, you better believe I want to or have seen it.

I am a huge Tim Burton Fan. Not that I am a fan of the man himself particularly, his movies and not because their different, but because of the visual aids that they provide, aka the way they look. Understand? Let me explain, when you watch let’s say, Nightmare Before Christmas, what do you see? A Gothic fairytale by some freak, or do you see what I see; a beautiful Visual masterpiece, a heartwarming story of confusion, love and finding yourself? [As well as the most enticing and hauntingly beautiful score by the amazing conductor, Danny Elfman] His movies are amazing, and not just because he may be a little ‘different’, just because they are.

As for music, I could go on forever, I truly could. But if you want to stereotype me you could call me a ‘rocker’ but I’d rather not be generalized like that. In fact, there are days that I don’t even listen to ‘rock’ music. In fact I could go weeks without listening to it. I love Hip Hop, Pop, Folk, Indie, Singer Songwriters, Rap, Rock, Musicals, hell if you banged your head on your keyboard and said it was music. I would probably find some beauty in it. I mean isn’t that what most music is anyway?

Here are a few things you might here me listening to: AFI, The Decemberists, Eminem, Janes Addiction, Queen, Motion City Soundtrack, Marilyn Manson, Ozzy, Akon, Jewel, Anna Nalick, Natalie Imbruglia, Pearl Jam, Black Label Society, Jem and Rob Zombie; tell me that isn’t weird.

Some people would call me an enigma, sometimes a little crazy or just nigh a bit too opinionated. Others call me sweet, silly and at times an angel, though I’m not sure where the hell they got that from, but who can turn down a compliment like that? I love writing and history, I’m a nerd hidden by a personality that doesn't allow me to outwardly express my uber geekiness.

I accept it. Can you?