Pirates of the Carribean: At Worlds End

Yes I know, it's early, it;s early, are you crazy? Jeeze woman will you wait at least until it comes out?!

I will take the second question first, of which the answer is noo, and the first one *gets shot in the heart with an arrow*

Ok so May 25, the new pirates movie is coming out and boooy does it look dramatic. I saw the trailer for it today and I'm actually excited, Mister Yun-Fat "motha fuckin" Chow is gonna be in it! How much more could that rock!?

As you guy's remember, I wasn't a big fan of the second one, although I love Davey Jones; it just left TOO many loose ends, even for a sequal, there was no ending, and that botehrs me.

Here's the link to the trailer, have fun.

And boy does it look pretty.

-Jess

P.S. Keith Richards is said to make an appearance as Jack's father... that might be interesting, he won't need makeup that's for sure.

300

All I can say is... EEEEE!











That's really it, have a nice night folks!







All right you know I wouldn't do that to ya'll, I'm just too nice of a person :D

I won't say this was my favorite movie in the world, and I'm usually pretty keen on movies like this, but dammit if I can't say it's made it in to my top twenty.

Now I'm sure everyone has read some review of this movie or another, but the box office says it all, this movie has killed!... in the literal sense.

I'm sure you all know the story by now, King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) is the king of the Spartans, at this time in history the Persians were basically taking over the known world. King Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) sends messengers to Leonidas's kingdom asking him to bow to Xerxes. The king being the man that he is, laughs in the face of the messenger and has him and his guards killed. (You saw it in the commercial you know "THIS IS SPAAARTA!" with all the spit and glory) From then on Leonidas goes to the oracles to be given permission to go war, but the oracle says no, Sparta will fall. So the king once again be the man that he is, goes against Spartan law and takes 300 of his "personal bodyguards" to fight the legions of Xerxes men.

What I love is that this movie is from the perspective of not only the king, but the man that he sends back to Sparta, Dilios (David Wenham) who is a gifted speaker as well as warrior.

And now for King Leonidas's vacation photos!

"Yea that's me and my girl, tellin off this bitch that was all like "stand down homie" and I was all like ya know "fuck you!"

"And this is my you don't fuck with Sparta face"

"This is my buddy Donny, yea he got all pissed off when I said there was no frickin way that he was an "immortal" so he put on some Halloween get up and came and chased me down with like 4 or 5 thousand of his friends"

"Oh this is my favorite, this is Xerxes, he's all screaming because of the biting beetles we put in his bed, funny shit man!"

What I love about this movie is how stylized it was, and although I've never read the comic book (I want to now) I've seen pictures online of people who have compared the book to the movie, at least the look of it, and WOW. Google the movies and go to images and just search through, you'll find the comparisons relatively quickly. It really was a beautiful movie, they were really able to put you in this world using almost every scene being filmed in front of a blue screen. That usually puts me off but this time it really worked, I mean the animals were more fake then I've seen in a long time, they looked more silly than the vampires in Van Helsing (Sadly the wonderful David Wenham is in that as Carl the silly monk... he was the best part I say *shudders*)

Now I will say this, the movie drug on a bit and although the battle scenes were TOP notch, it was almost silly at times. But that's what I get for comic to movie, I said the same thing about Batman Begins (Which is one of my all time favorites mind you). A lot of people complained the King Leonidas was a bit loud, you know screamed a whole lot, but that wasn't a problem with me, I realized for the time period, he might have actually been like that, I mean he had an army of men to try and inspire to push on.

And push they did!

The thing that really made me happy, and this is coming from a female perspective, was the tasteful use of the female body. And although the part with the young virgin with the oracles was perverse, the female figure was used beautifully. The other time was with the Queen Gorgo (Lena Heady), when Leonidas and her made love for what would probably be their last time; it was beautiful, it was sensual, it was tasteful(And damn was she lovin it, I was waiting for a McDonalds ad to pop up in the corner, with a little Ronald McDonald smilin away). The last time of course being the rape scene between the evil senator Theron (Dominic West) and the queen who was giving herself to him, to hopefully get his vote to have the senate send troops to her husband.

I haven't said much about Queen Gorgo, simply because I don't want to ruin her with words. She was the most redeeming part of this movie, I want a little on of her standing on my desk, she just has to sit there and be herself. She was wonderful, I wont' give away everything about her, but there is this part at the end where she gives the evil senator Theron his just desserts.

I give 300 8.5 our of 300 scantily dressed men in leather underpants looking all MmMmMmm out of 10.

-Jess

Update

All right this is going to be really quick since I'm falling asleep right now and said I wasn't going to go on the computer.

All right I've seen about a million movies this past two months, and these movie are: Ghost Rider, Smokin Aces, Norbit, Zodiac, Wild Hogs and 300.

Nice line up right? Well I'm not going to go in to any EXTREME detail about any of them except for 300 [a full review will be up within the next day or so PROMISE]


Ghost Rider: 6 flaming ass skulls out of 10. No joke this movie blew, I've said this a million times all ready, it was like watching a high school production with that one kid that can act, you know, Nic cage, and the hot chick with the boobs, you know Eva Mendez. The action scenes we're top notch though.

Norbit: 5 more eddy Murphy movies where he puts on a fat suit and we all cringe out of 10. I won't say that I didn't enjoy this movie, but all in all this movie was ridiculously ridiculous! Other than Murphy's character Mr. Wong and the good Christian nature of Norbit, that's until he gets mad and tries not to curse, it's endearing on the boarder of annoying.

Smokin Aces: 9 badass mama jammas out of 10. This movie ROCKED, holy shit, with the bang! And the BOOM and the *gun noises* and the aww's and the STONED ASS JEREMY PIVEN! *squeels like a little girl*. Any action movie fan will love this movie, I mean the plot is simple, ok no I lied the plot is quite confusing and might take a while before you start going "Oooh". But here's the basic layout, mob wants guy dead, mob sends out hit for a million simloeans, best hitmen and women [MmMmMmm Alicia keys] show up, hillarity, violence, and sadness ensue. I can't even begin to tell you how many stars are in this movie, just go here, IMDb knows all. I will agree that some parts were a bit silly, but then again, it is an action movie, with a little bit of comedy and a little bit of gore.

Oh and I'm secretly [or not so secretly anymore] in love with Jeremy Piven [who plays the man the mob wants killed] and this line right here solidified my love for him:


"What do you see right now? You see exactly and only what I choose to show you. That is illusion Ivy that is the lie that I tell your eyes. Makin' the magic happen in the moment, in that split second. I can shape it, I can shift it, I can make it as real as this room. That is why I am valuable here Ivy and that is why you are not. I am sorry, I love you, I never wanted it to be like this, you know that. " -Buddy "Aces" Israel.

Zodiac: 8.5 HEY I LIVE IN VALLEJO'S out of 10. I loved this movie, although it was two hours long, there was enough suspense to keep it alive for those two hours. Yes there were parts where I wanted to punch Jake Gyllenhall in the face, not because he was bad in it, in fact I enjoyed him in this part, but his obsessive character added with his droning almost monotone voice would make me want to strangle anyone. Another couple good performances were by Mark Ruffalo, that's right Mark Ruffalo, I really hate this man, but after seeing him in this movie I have a new found respect for him... even if he did look a like Columbo.
Wild Hogs: 6 old dudes on Harley's our of 10. I don't want to say too much about this movie since it would give it ALL away. I'll say this, you got a boyfriend, you got a lesbian lover, you got a husband, take them to this movie; it's so chock full of macho and homophobia, it'll have your partner in stitches. Stars Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence, William H. Macy [Whom I ADORE] and John Travolta. There are a couple of cameos such as Ray Liotta [MEOW] as the leader of the biker gang that Travolta's character insults by cutting the gas lines on their bikes and accidentaly blowing up their bar. Oh did I give something away... it was funny anyway.

Tomorrow... 300!



-Jess